So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
