he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
