come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
