we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
