grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
