I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
