I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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