I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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