it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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