Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
