woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
