So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
