Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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