it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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