Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
