I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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