Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
