Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
