1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
