I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
