nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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