Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
