Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
