i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
