hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
