Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
