He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And my parents said I crawled through the house
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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