Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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