I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
