I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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