It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
