Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we're making bets on your personal life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
