I just threw up on my dentist
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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