hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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