You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
