All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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