Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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