absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
