you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I lost the right to judge tonight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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