Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize