just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
