I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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