Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
