my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize