Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
