Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you would pick up someone in the library
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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