Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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