I just made out with a guy for $7.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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