I could have mohawked her pubes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
