dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
