all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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