i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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