just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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