Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
