Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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