May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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