There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
