just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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