Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
