i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
