I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize