Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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