i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
