I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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