so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Of course I have a pirate flag
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
