I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
