She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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