Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
