Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
