I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
