I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
