Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
