its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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