I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
