Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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