i think i have two assholes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
