It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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