my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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