She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
