Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
