she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
