just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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