i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will pee on everything he values.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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