We won't sleep together?
I met the friendliest cop last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize