Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
